A bit confused ... not sure how I should feel

[Texas_Signmaker]

My daughter is going to a birthday party so we stopped at target and got a barbie doll for her friend Lisa. She picked a dark skinned barbie and I thought nothing of it... Her classroom is equally divided between white, black, hispanic, Indian, middle eastern and Asians... really it's all an equal mix of kids from all over the world. She's never noticed or referred to anyone about how they look and neither has any of the other first graders..they are all just kids.

Anyway, so we get the dark skinned doll and we go to the birthday party and I met Lisa and her mom and they are Jamaican. My kid gives the gift and it's a dark skinned doll and I thought to myself, uuuhhhh..did she do this on purpose because her friend is dark skinned? I mean, I'm kinda glad she didn't present a white doll. I duno, I felt confused how to feel and hope no one got offended. I duno if she didn't notice the doll and her friend were dark skinned or maybe she did notice and wanted a doll that would look like her..I don't want to ask or bring it up because I don't want to put any ideas in her head that there is any difference between any of the children. (Which there is not... just in appearance)

Anyway, it's nice how all these different cultured kids all play and get along.. sad that once we get older people get segregated out in groups.

 

[James Burke]

I say kudos to your little gal for noticing the differences among her classmates, yet remaining totally color blind. I especially admire her candor and the ability to make a unwavering decision based on her own experiences. That will serve her (,,,and you) well in her teen years.

Kudos to you as well...you're definitely doing something right.

I certainly would have begged the question as to why she chose as she did. But I would have done so in a non-threatening, curious manner that would have let her totally lead the discussion...in her own "matter-of-fact way", and then let it drop.

Let her do the educating.

JB

 

[GAC05]

I don't think they are making Barbie dolls with identifiable genitalia so I think you are in the clear as far as gender fluidity goes.

 

[Texas_Signmaker]

I say kudos to your little gal for noticing the differences among her classmates, yet remaining totally color blind. I especially admire her candor and the ability to make a unwavering decision based on her own experiences. That will serve her (,,,and you) well in her teen years.

Kudos to you as well...you're definitely doing something right.

I certainly would have begged the question as to why she chose as she did. But I would have done so in a non-threatening, curious manner that would have let her totally lead the discussion...in her own "matter-of-fact way", and then let it drop.

Let her do the educating.

JB

I just asked her.. I said, "You picked out a very nice doll for Lisa do you think she liked it? What made you pick that doll?" She said "because her hair was brown and rainbow colors and you can brush it." I said do you want one like that, she said "yea"

Lol, so maybe it had nothing to do with the color of the doll.

But I duno, she is VERY observant and aware of differences in everyday things, she analyzes everything ...very intelligent... She had to of made the connection and thought she would like a doll that looks more like her friend. I mean, of the 20 or so kids in her class.. there are 3 or 4 dark skinned kids and of all the dolls at Target there were even fewer dark skinned dolls.. she had to of made the connection.

 

[Johnny Best]

If you had a birthday party for your daughter and her dark skin friend from school bought her a light skin Barbie for a present.
Would that be weird to you or your daughter. Probably not, so why does it seem strange to you when it gets reversed.
Now if you had a son and one of the boys in his class bought him a Ken doll would you be posting about being confused again?

 

[Texas_Signmaker]

If you had a birthday party for your daughter and her dark skin friend from school bought her a light skin Barbie for a present.
Would that be weird to you or your daughter. Probably not, so why does it seem strange to you when it gets reversed.
Now if you had a son and one of the boys in his class bought him a Ken doll would you be posting about being confused again?

Well, apparently this is all about nothing... I asked my wife and she said that she had been talking about a doll that has rainbow hair that you can brush...even before we left for Target... so maybe it was all about the hair.

 

[Gino]

Kids, regardless of their color, do not know anything about the differences. That is taught to them, by their parents and surroundings It's like a kid is not afraid of a snake, until we teach them to not like them. I'm not talking prejudice, just the difference of colors. Afterall, we're all from the same race..... the human race. There are some differences, but just not noticed til we get older and taught the differences. Whether they are taught correctly or not, is up to parents, teachers and the other kids whose parents might've taught them some..... not so nice things about others. It swings both ways, ya know.

 

[Texas_Signmaker]

I don't think they are making Barbie dolls with identifiable genitalia so I think you are in the clear as far as gender fluidity goes.

Oh they do... I just dont think they sell them in the toy isle at Target... maybe at that shady looking "book store" on the south side of town.

 

[Billct2]

I'd trust your daughter to know what her friend likes...it's not usually the kids that have the issues, it's the adults

 

[Stacey K]

My son was invited to a black girls birthday party when he was in about 3th grade along with his entire class. She wanted a barbie doll. I can remember being confused also but I don't remember what we ended up buying, most likely I avoided dolls. We only have a handful of black students in our community and at the time she was new to our school, I felt it was very important that he attend to make sure she felt welcome. I think every kid in his class showed up so the other parents must've felt the same way lol It was the BEST birthday party he was ever invited to. We still talk about how much fun it was and he's in 8th grade. They took the entire class roller skating and bought pizza, flashback to the 80's for me, it was a blast! They don't hang out these days but the gal has a big group of friends and I always wonder if that birthday party had something to do with it. It was a great way for her parents to introduce themselves to the other students and parents, and it was quite an impressive party, and I'm sure quite expensive! I think it was the perfect ice breaker.

 

[OADesign]

My daughter is going to a birthday party so we stopped at target and got a barbie doll for her friend Lisa. She picked a dark skinned barbie and I thought nothing of it... Her classroom is equally divided between white, black, hispanic, Indian, middle eastern and Asians... really it's all an equal mix of kids from all over the world. She's never noticed or referred to anyone about how they look and neither has any of the other first graders..they are all just kids.

Anyway, so we get the dark skinned doll and we go to the birthday party and I met Lisa and her mom and they are Jamaican. My kid gives the gift and it's a dark skinned doll and I thought to myself, uuuhhhh..did she do this on purpose because her friend is dark skinned? I mean, I'm kinda glad she didn't present a white doll. I duno, I felt confused how to feel and hope no one got offended. I duno if she didn't notice the doll and her friend were dark skinned or maybe she did notice and wanted a doll that would look like her..I don't want to ask or bring it up because I don't want to put any ideas in her head that there is any difference between any of the children. (Which there is not... just in appearance)

Anyway, it's nice how all these different cultured kids all play and get along.. sad that once we get older people get segregated out in groups.

It is this type of thinking that will get us through. Just taking the time to pause and think and take into consideration the view point of other people and cultures. The biggest problem, IMO, is the we all see the world through our own prisms. This very fact often prevents us from understanding that other people may not see things the way we do. Something that may be no big deal to you, may be an offense of the worst kind to other cultures. Imagine how many conflicts and deaths may have been prevented if both parties just paused for just a second. Hats off to you. And to your little lady. I think she knew exactly what she was doing. Gives me a little hope for humans.

 

[WhiskeyDreamer]

I'd say as long as there wasn't an issue from the birthday girl or her mom, it's all good. My Puerto Rican sister-in-law threw a hissy fit years ago when my mom bought her daughters non-white Barbies. We thought it was a bit of an over reaction at the time and my mom exchanged them. Many moons later, we've realized that my sister-in-law is contrary no matter what you give her.

Last year, my daughter turned 13 and I offered her to have a sleepover with some of her friends. Eight teen girls is not a good idea, for anyone wondering. BUT, they wanted to play The Sims on my Xbox. I kinda noticed something similar. They'd all randomize the features of their Sim and then customize the clothes. Her friends group is a pretty awesome mix of backgrounds and I'll tell you not one of those kids changed the skin tone of their Sim. Even when the palest girl in the room got a dark skinned Sim. I thought it was pretty awesome.

 

[Texas_Signmaker]

Eight teen girls is not a good idea, for anyone wondering.

I'd probably kill myself before 9pm.

 

[Gino]

Wait til they start dating.........................

​

 

[Texas_Signmaker]

Wait til they start dating.........................

​

Would that be a good time to talk about my gun and gun safety? Maybe I'll save that discussion for the first date.

 

[Gino]

Yeah, right....... you must be old fashioned, if you think she's gonna bring home her new beau to meet you, before they go out on a date. You'll never have time to load your speed rounds, let alone how to conduct yourself safely. Ya know how good you are with the Google and other features of the internet ?? Well, they're 50 times better at it than you and are quite a few steps ahead of you in the dating game of today. Carry on for another time.

 

[Texas_Signmaker]

Yeah, right....... you must be old fashioned, if you think she's gonna bring home her new beau to meet you, before they go out on a date. You'll never have time to load your speed rounds, let alone how to conduct yourself safely. Ya know how good you are with the Google and other features of the internet ?? Well, they're 50 times better at it than you and are quite a few steps ahead of you in the dating game of today. Carry on for another time.

Oh but who said this discussion would happen at home? I know how to use GPS tracking on the phone... then again maybe by that time they will know more.

Haha, when I was a kid my grand dad worked for the fed government and when I had no idea how my parents found out about something my grand dad said he used his secret technology to track me down. I'm sure I just slipped up somewhere and they used that ploy to scare me..but then again his job was always kind of mysterious.

 

[GAC05]

Oh but who said this discussion would happen at home? I know how to use GPS tracking on the phone... then again maybe by that time they will know more.

Haha, when I was a kid my grand dad worked for the fed government and when I had no idea how my parents found out about something my grand dad said he used his secret technology to track me down. I'm sure I just slipped up somewhere and they used that ploy to scare me..but then again his job was always kind of mysterious.

Just make sure you stop playing and put away your Barbie dolls before she brings the boy over.

 

[WhiskeyDreamer]

I'd probably kill myself before 9pm.

My husband went out to his work truck and grabbed ear plugs so he could sleep.

 

[Baz]

There is a reason why they make different skin toned dolls. So kids of different races can all relate personally with the dolls.

But we as adults like to overthink things. Your daughter just liked the colored doll more
.