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Men Are Just Happier People

Discussion in 'General Chit-Chat' started by Si Allen, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. Si Allen

    Si Allen Very Active Member

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    Jul 17, 2004
    Men Are Just Happier People

    NICKNAMES

    · If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
    · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Sh-t for Brains.

    EATING OUT
    · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    · When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY
    · A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
    BATHROOMS
    · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
    · The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS
    · A woman has the last word in any argument.
    · Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    FUTURE
    · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    · A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS
    · A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    · A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE
    · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    · A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

    DRESSING UP
    · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL
    · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    · Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING
    · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
     
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  2. Tizz

    Tizz Member

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    Hahaha. Made my day!!
     
  3. skyhigh

    skyhigh Major Contributor

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    good one Si.
     
  4. Fanaticus

    Fanaticus Member

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    Jan 19, 2011

    Why is it repeating the same thing twice?
     
  5. Gino

    Gino Premium Subscriber

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    I like it...................
     
  6. SD&F

    SD&F Very Active Member

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    Really.....??????
    I am the one who must put a smile on my face and make everyone happy....it is my job in life as a woman. If I was sensitive I would be offended, but then I would not be on Signs101.

    It is very funny though and a good way to end the week.
     
  7. TheSnowman

    TheSnowman Major Contributor

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    Indiana
    Just retyped most of those and texted them to my wife.
     
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