"Sandwich Generation"....a word of gratitude

[James Burke]

The TLDR Reddit version of the past three weeks at my house reads something like this:

"With less than 24 hours notice, we were blind-sided when my elderly father-in-law became a resident of our home, permanently. Meanwhile, my self-employed home-business work load has gone absolutely off the chart. And yet I seem to have a great peace amidst it all".

Seriously...

We had the kids, grand kids and siblings over for a family dinner this evening and it was almost overwhelming (but in a good way), as I took it all in.

My wife are the "sandwich generation": sandwiched in between the generation before us, and the two generations behind us. If we were to sit down and put it all on paper, there's no comprehensible way it should work out...but here we are just a few weeks into it and a very long road ahead...taking it one day at a time.

I'm so grateful we have the ability to honor dad...even if it involves help with meals, toileting, bathing...and just about everything else. It's been an exercise in great humility for us both...but especially him, given the circumstances.

I'd be interested in private messages from any of you who are in the throes of in-home elder care. My support system is virtually non-existent, and I could surely use the encouragement.

I took a considerable amount of time away from work when both of my parents needed care in their final years, but medical conditions prevented them from coming to live with us, so this is our first trip to the rodeo with something like this.

Much appreciation,

JB

 

[Jeremiah]

We consider ourselves part of any generation that understands Respect. We are not entitled to anything, except the things we directly paid for. Since the 1800"s our family has passed on the belief that Family takes care of Family. No matter what.. that's US. Many years ago a son in law put his father in a nursing home, because it was too much work to take care of him. Unacceptable option.

 

[Stacey K]

I have not been in your situation but I remember when raising little ones it's important to take time for just you and your wife. A standing date night for a few hours each week will be good for you to just talk and enjoy each other. Hire a nurse or an adult helper, good luck to you and feel free to vent on here if you need to!

 

[Gino]

My mother-in-law lived with us til the day she died. I loved having her around. She was short, about 3'10", but she didn't have any legs. They were both cut off, so she was a handful. She was very heavy, even without legs. I used to tell her, she was like a life buoy. My father took care of my mom in her final years of need, but we were over there almost everyday after work and on weekends to help out. When my father needed help, we had him move in with us, but eventually, he wanted to go home to die, in his own house, so he went there. Again, I was there almost everyday and ran all kindsa errands for him. My sister moved in with him to help take care of him, but she was (and still is) a lousy cook and home taker-carer. Later years, our 93 year old neighbor, moved in with us and we took care of him in his final times.

There is a feeling which cannot be described in doing this sorta thing.

For many years, my wife and I, along with about 10 other couples traveled all around the area, as much as a 75 mile radius, doing exhibitions at 'old folks' homes and interacting with the people. Such a pleasure doing that. Touching all those lives and exchanging stories. It also means a great deal to the people receiving the care and consideration. Even the ones who can't talk, they seem to get a sparkle in their eye, once again. Taking a 95 year-old lady in a wheel chair out onto the dance floor and dancing with her is so rewarding.