That time of year again

[James Burke]

Although some would think it a bit awkward, my brother and I have chosen this time of year to sit down with our (aging) parents to do a yearly review of their financial affairs, current medical needs/doctors/meds, funeral plans, dad's VA information, and other assorted information (right down to the last detail) that would be helpful in the event of a sudden crisis. This will be the third year since we started doing this.

Usually, it takes two or three hours to go over all of the updates, and I could not imagine having to track down all this information under stress since mom tends to pidgeon-hole things here and there throughout the house.

So far, my parents have been more than agreeable, but there may come a time when a medical condition or meds might change that. I keep all their records in a catagorized briefcase file so I can grab it and run out the door whenever a need arises. (.pdf files are also stored on the computer)

For those of you who haven't had this talk with your parents yet, I'd encourage you to do so before it's too late.


JB

 

[signage]

 

[Pat Whatley]

One Sunday about 10 years ago my dad and I sat on his dock and had the "what if..." conversation. He was fortunate enough to have a damn good retirement plan that included medical that would cover just about anything that came up so the financial side was easy to handle. He was ADAMANT about what to do and when to do it if life support was all that was keeping him alive. We also talked about his burial, his inheritance, and anything else he could think of. It was one of those conversations that once you bring up the subject you might as well go ahead and discuss it all, right then, in detail, so you don't have to drag it out. It was probably the most forceful, intense conversation I've ever had and I left his house that day scared of the responsibility he'd placed on me.

When dad was nearing the end of his road that conversation was a blessing.

Between Christmas and New Years this year we're sitting down with my mom and stepdad and having the conversation about insurance, mortgages, wills, long-term care plans (if needed) and anything else we can think of. Its a hard talk to have but one everyone needs.

 

[James Burke]

Pat, that sounds encouraging. I hope others will follow suite.

Basically, on our first visit three years ago, we piled everything on the kitchen table (bills, SS paperwork, insurance policies, funeral plans, financial statements, medical stuff, contact information for Social Security, VA and annunities, etc...) and sorted through each "subject", one at a time.

I never realized how time consuming the process can be, but I'm thankful we won't be trying to find this stuff in an emergency.

In addition to our discussion, I took detailed notes and made a ton of photo copies of important papers for our records.


JB

 

[HulkSmash]

My dad will slap me if i talk to him about death.
It's not something that i want to schedule to talk about.

 

[Speedsterbeast]

Planning never hurts, even if the subject is disturbing.
have to share my dad's (who I lost two years ago) favourite joke.

When someone asked if his parents were still alive.

He would look at them straight faced and say, No.. They're still dead.

Still makes me laugh.

 

[James Burke]

My dad will slap me if i talk to him about death.
It's not something that i want to schedule to talk about.

That's totally understandable, but it's not just about death. How about starting the discussion based on the "what ifs" in the event of incapacitation? It's always good to have a plan in case a person is disabled and is unable to manage their affairs.


JB

 

[James Burke]

He would look at them straight faced and say, No.. They're still dead.Still makes me laugh.

That's a good one, I'll have to keep that in mind.


JB

 

[Speedsterbeast]

His other favourite joke was someone picking up a picture off an end table and asking-
"Is this your wife?"
The reply-
"No, that's just a picture of her."

 

[john1]

I don't talk to my Dad and will keep it like that.

My Mom on the other hand, She is cool about talking about anything. No biggie. My Mom is only in her mid 40's though so hopefully it's a long way away until it's time for that talk.

 

[showcase 66]

My mom has been wanting to do something like this for the past 10 years. I have a feeling my dad just doesn't want to think about it. My dads parents are having a lot of medical issues right now so that has been on his mind. I was appointed head of the estate or what ever it is called. My father, one uncle, and my aunt are cool with me being that person. My other uncle on the other hand is a money hungry greedy piece of Sh!t that thinks he deserves more of everything because the rest of his siblings are well off compared to him.

I can go off on a huge tangent there so I will let it be.

I was thrown off last Friday when my dad called me up. Talking about a couple of things and then asks if any of the lawyers I have as clients do wills and estate planning.

Honestly never thought he would ever ask about these kind of things or want to talk about it. Probably something that needs to be done, Just not something I really want to think about.

 

[beckys]

I highly recommend getting a trust.
I am MPOA & POA for my aunt(passed away last year) & Uncles (91yrs old)
they only had a will, I am currently going through courts lawyers accountants etc with a dick*** brother, over everything I have done to date, It is not fun!! So, if you have any vultures in your family, talk to a trust Lawyer, well worth the money! The "estate" has spent 10,000 on legal fees so far.

 

[john1]

vultures always come out when someone dies or is about to die, I'm glad im going to die broke hahahaha

 

[SD&F]

I have an incredible mom who started suffering from dementia about 5 years ago.
I did a POA and everything else to prevent us having to deal with things later.
My brother who has always been the most honorable and reliable guy ended up lending all of my mom's money to relatives. I don't get it and I was beyond pissed. I vented, I cried, I screamed. You should if possible have 2 individuals to do banking transactions on accounts of those you love. I think he just was in over his head and could not say NO. I am many states away and now pay her bills, but it doesn't fix what has already happened. Money messes with all people.