CONGRATULATIONS!
The problem I see is that there is to much competition in the background graphic with the main message.
It is a major problem when creating any sign layout. What is the MAIN COPY?, secondary copy, and the background.
I like the concept, however there is no clearly defined separation with the message and the back ground.
For your first attempt I would give you a "B+/A-" on execution, and a "C-/D+" on the composition.