What would you do?

[showcase 66]

I am not sure if I should do anything.

A good friend of mine, (she was an old girl friend back in High school but have been good friends before that and after) has "fallen" a couple of times in the past 2 months. Both times she ends up with a black eye and swollen jaw. I know she was always a klutz growing up and always got hurt in some weird way, but I am starting to get the feeling this is becoming more than being a klutz.

I would also hate to make an accusation against her husband that is not true. I mean I dont like the guy and he really hates me. Always accuses us of having an affair. My wife and I were suppose to have lunch with her yesterday, but she called and said she had fallen again and didn't want to go out for lunch.

I stopped over their place this morning just to check on her and see if she needed anything, but she wouldn't let me in. I think if I just come out and ask if he is hitting her, she will shut down and wont talk at all but without any other proof, I am not sure what to do. I don't want to notify the police just in case it really was an accident but my gut feeling is that it isn't.

Should I try and do something, or should I just wait until she says something?
Thanks for any advice.

 

[SD&F]

I don't think she will ever open her mouth if she hasn't yet. I think you should take her out for dinner or coffee or whatever. Then sit down and tell her you are concerned about her and that you will not judge her. Let her know that you understand these things happen(just so she knows you are excepting). You need to get her away from her home and to a safe enviroment. Let her know that whatever the situation is it is not OK for her and that regardless you are there for her. Be as understanding and compassionate as you can be. She just needs to know you are there and if she isn't upfront now, hopefully she will be when she feels she can be. She is afraid and ashamed and probably still thinks she loves him. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION

 

[Techman]

call the safe harbor for women.. No need to leave the name. They will check it out. I fear your concerns are right. She is being abused.

 

[Locals Find!]

Here is a local group in my area that deals with this stuff. They have some pretty good resources on their website. I have helped with fund raisers for them in the past.

I am sure they will be able to help you out either through the website or helping you find the best tools/information to assist you helping your friend in this situation.

 

[ChicagoGraphics]

If you think about it how do you get a black eye from falling, most people would put there hands out to break there fall. I belive 100% she is being abused.

 

[visual800]

someone needs their "dinkus" removed! obviously beating a woman makes him feel special. Another human that is a waste of skin IMO!

 

[Gino]

No time to be monkeying around. What you're describing certainly sounds like physical abuse. Don't intervene or you could also end up with a broken nose and she would pay dearly if he even thought she was going to you... an EX old boyfriend.

Maybe your wife or someone else could call on her tomorrow or even tonight for some made up excuse like needing to talk to her about the kids in school or a block party coming up. If not, like someone mentioned, there are places set up to go in and do a search on this kinda stuff. People like this need to be helped and her husband needs to be put down, but by authorities.

 

[showcase 66]

I dont want to intervene but want to make sure she is okay. I called a friend of mine that works with silent witness and asked her where I should go to give some info. She also knows my friend but hasnt seen or spoken to her in a while. She is going to pass some info along for me and hopefully we can get something done.

I am afraid that like Sarah said above that she still thinks she loves him or she wants to be a family with their kids so she wont say anything until something worse happens. I think if he was abusing the kids it would be a whole different story. She would stick up for them I am willing to bet.

It just sucks that someone thinks its okay to do that to someone else. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Rick]

Call the cops, if there are kids there, call the cops and CPS.

When I was married to my first wife, I thought there was a woman who would never take any guff from anyone. We divorced, she had some guy move in, and she started getting all bruised up. Then the kids were getting scared. I called up to check up on my boys, and in the background I can hear yelling, police, and my kids crying. I took the kids.. months later he got out of jail, he moved back in. She came by to visit, he would be dropped off somewhere and picked up to hang out with the boys. I took care of that.

These people should be given to space to harm other people. They will not stop. And if kids are involved, they are damaged more than you know... my kids are.

The dude that was involved with my kids came by to scare me. I convinced him otherwise and got his gun as a prize, handed it over to the cops, no more guy.

 

[ThinkRight]

Have your wife take her out to dinner and talk to her.
An abused women will not open up to another man.
And if she has family close, call them and get them involved.
Are kids involved ?
That would change everything,
Don't let it coast along though,you will regret it.

 

[Rick]

Another thing you should know...

if she is getting beat and abused, she is also responsible for hurting the kids by her inaction. There is no excuse for hurting the children or allowing them to be exposed. She could lose her kids... my ex did.

Oh I forgot 1 thing. My wife suffers from seizures, but epileptic and non epileptic. People have called the police and they have come over to discuss her condition and that she is safe. I'm happy and proud to have friends like that who care enough that much.

 

[TyrantDesigner]

One of my Mother's boyfriends popped her one ... he found out real quickly to fear the nerdy son that always played video games ... he found two 12 inch razor sharp daggers pointed at him ... one at his throat, one at his junk. told him if he stays ... one would enter him, the other would mar him ... my choice ... needless to say when you've got 6 inches over him, and is threatening his life ... he didn't stay.

from that point on ... I showed all her boyfriends my knife collection and where I could bleed someone out with each one ... they never tried anything like that ... losers the whole lot of them (save for the current one) ... but that is different.

 

[showcase 66]

My wife had lunch with her today which got got cut short as she received a call that her son broke his leg at the middle school. My wife took her to the hospital to be with her son. Soon after her husband showed up and my wife who is friends with one of the nurses in there asked to look at her a little bit because of the bruising on her face.

The husband was belligerent to the nurses and doctors and my wife said he was actually kicked out of the hospital.

Her son is doing better now. Broke his leg about 3 inches below the knee both bones. Going to do surgery first thing in the morning.

I drove past her house a little while ago and 2 cop cars were there talking to her husband. I am hoping that the nurse made a comment to an officer that she has a lot of signs of someone being abused.

I hope this has just started and hasn't been going on for years. If it has I will be more upset with myself for not seeing it sooner.