SignManiac
New Member
I did it! And lucky I did. Or I could have lost everything I worked hard for. Don't kid yourself, she can wreck your life in more ways than one.
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How does one survive raising a teenage daughter?
- Thread starter Circleville Signs
- Start date
signmeup
New Member
This is the sort of thing most people never think about when they decide to have kids. The little darlings have been known to kill their parents while they slept.
I've been really lucky... my daughter is a saint... just like I was.
I told her years ago, "If you can't be good, be careful... and for heavens sake... don't get caught!" (Something my dear old Mum said to me.)
I've been really lucky... my daughter is a saint... just like I was.
I told her years ago, "If you can't be good, be careful... and for heavens sake... don't get caught!" (Something my dear old Mum said to me.)
Circleville Signs
New Member
This is the sort of thing most people never think about when they decide to have kids. The little darlings have been known to kill their parents while they slept.
I've been really lucky... my daughter is a saint... just like I was.
Yup - and that's the worst part about all of this. She has never been a bad kid. Popular, cheerleader (varsity this year as a freshman), well adjusted. Couldn't stand her mother (which increased my opinion of her judgement skills...lol).
And then, out of nowhere....All of this. As a father I can honestly say I'd rather lose everything I have than lose my daughter.
CS-SignSupply-TT
New Member
In my opinion
You LOVE them to death...I am the father of five (3 daughters, 2 sons), grandfather of three, married to the same woman for 33+ years
You LOVE them to death...I am the father of five (3 daughters, 2 sons), grandfather of three, married to the same woman for 33+ years
d fleming
Premium Subscriber
Father of 26 and in a few days 18 year old young ladies. The first gave us hell, now is responsible and well on her way to being a nurse. The second one is just starting up with the limit pushing and scrapping with Mom all the time but I've been there before. Sounds like you are what you need to be. A loving caring Father who sticks his nose in..period. You'll do fine. Now, how do you survive it? Dr. Dave's famous recipe, comfy chair in the yard under the trees and a quality 9 year old bourbon to relax while listening to nature.:
Border
New Member
I can fully relate, as I have a now 20 year old daughter who has come full circle and is now in a great frame of mind. Divorced her mom when my daughter was 2 years old. My daughter and I were inseparable until she hit puberty basically, then all Hell broke loose and her mom was/still is a drunken drug-stealing, mean addictive & abusive person who basically "bought" my daughter's teenage affection by letting her do whatever, whenever and with whomever she pleased, no questions asked.
I was all of a sudden cast out because I was the parent with rules. My Ex said she did it intentionally to hurt me through my daughter. Now today her and my daughter no longer speak because my daughter finally saw what was going on and realized she was lucky to even have survived those years with her mom.
Yes, I have felt the deep pain you speak of. At one point, after trying everything possible, all I could do was cross my fingers and hope like Hell that she came out on the other side in tact and healthy. Somehow she did and today her and I are as close as ever and I am very thankful & relieved!
Hang in there and whatever you do, try not to badmouth her mom. It will only make the gap between your daughter and you even wider. Some things they have to figure out on their own. It's part of growing up...the hardest part probably.
Good luck!
I was all of a sudden cast out because I was the parent with rules. My Ex said she did it intentionally to hurt me through my daughter. Now today her and my daughter no longer speak because my daughter finally saw what was going on and realized she was lucky to even have survived those years with her mom.
Yes, I have felt the deep pain you speak of. At one point, after trying everything possible, all I could do was cross my fingers and hope like Hell that she came out on the other side in tact and healthy. Somehow she did and today her and I are as close as ever and I am very thankful & relieved!
Hang in there and whatever you do, try not to badmouth her mom. It will only make the gap between your daughter and you even wider. Some things they have to figure out on their own. It's part of growing up...the hardest part probably.
Good luck!
Fred Weiss
Merchant Member
A noteworthy mindset. If I had it to do over again, I'd get a pair of pugs and not have kids.
SignManiac
New Member
I could have saved a fortune from having a family if I had just moved to Nevada...
d fleming
Premium Subscriber
You're gonna need a bigger bottle.
I have a 13 and 10 year old daughter.
David Wright
New Member
You are on your own, everyone's situation is different. My daughter was difficult and to this day things are strained. My son, never a problem.
From the way my brothers solved the problem, it seems giving in to every wish with no rules works best.
It seems your divorce is also a separate problem that always affects children throughout their lives.
From the way my brothers solved the problem, it seems giving in to every wish with no rules works best.
It seems your divorce is also a separate problem that always affects children throughout their lives.
Circleville Signs
New Member
Well, i can say this - I'm not wired that way, and it won't ever be that way at our home. If that's what she is looking for, she isn't going to find it here.
I guess the hardest part is the utter and complete (almost pathological) selfishness. That is her mother's biggest problem. I had hoped and prayed that we raised her better and that the problems of the mother wouldn't be brought to bear in the daughter...
Yes, Gary, been there done that got the scars to prove it!
They are now (Girls) 31 and 32. I have a boy too, just turned 30. But he never dished out as much hurt as those girls. If it is any help at all, they do seem to hurt the ones that they will later appreciate the most. I remember telling myself I love the kid, just don't love what they are doing. That helped me show them that I loved them and not to give back what they had dished out. I did punish though... Takes knowing the kid to know what to take away to discipline them. It helps to share with others too, knowing you are not alone. 'Cause you're not!
They are just little kids still, but trying to learn how to live in big kid bodies. They still like to know where the line is and they still like to please you. It is just harder to see that. Too much emotion mixed in, but it will all calm down someday. Remember, they are learning to pull away and make their own way in life. That is even harder when they finally do make their own way. Then you gotta make your own way without them. That is hard too. But hopefully you will both decide to be friends and then you can be the voice of wisdom and the best adviser when they ask for it. Who knows you better than your own parent?
Good luck!
Rick
Certified Enneadecagon Designer
6 kids here, 2 step kids, 4 of my own from a previous marriage.
One step-kid got pregnant at 15, the other got his girlfriend pregnant at 18. They are now 24 and 27, both married to the people they porked.
My 2 oldest boys, drugs, drinking, porkin', they are gifted, but lacked motivation.... I took them to counseling, spent thousands on court crap, the ex never visited, never called, very bad with child support, has guys move in like she goes through toilet paper. They left because I refused to budge on my principles, one because of drugs and the people he hung out with (druggies), the other because of porkin' (read a facebook conversation where his girlfriend thought she was pregnant, he refused to go by the rules.
Them leaving was the best thing FOR ME.... the stress that has been lifted is such a huge relief. Now I can concentrate on the other 2 boys I have (16 and 12)
Their mother may be a piece of crap, but they still love their mother. If they break my rules and I do the tough love thing, in time they will be back when they straighten up. If not, I don't want douchebag kids hanging around me. Either way, it's good for me.
Therapy and Al-Anon has helped me put things in perspective. You let go and let god (or the universe or the almighty head or whatever it is for you) take care of it.
The other thing that helped me was the Dr Drew show and reading up on the frontal lobe. Kids make bad decisions for many reasons, one is because their frontal lobe (the area of the brain that deals with consequences) is underdeveloped. They act out before thinking of the consequence, but we parents still have to make them responsible for their actions. I refuse to be responsible for their bad decision making. With my kids, when they refuse to take responsibility, it's time for them to go.
I was a very good kid, so I do not understand my kids actions, so I ask other people, mainly my parents and my friends that had problems when they were teens.
One step-kid got pregnant at 15, the other got his girlfriend pregnant at 18. They are now 24 and 27, both married to the people they porked.
My 2 oldest boys, drugs, drinking, porkin', they are gifted, but lacked motivation.... I took them to counseling, spent thousands on court crap, the ex never visited, never called, very bad with child support, has guys move in like she goes through toilet paper. They left because I refused to budge on my principles, one because of drugs and the people he hung out with (druggies), the other because of porkin' (read a facebook conversation where his girlfriend thought she was pregnant, he refused to go by the rules.
Them leaving was the best thing FOR ME.... the stress that has been lifted is such a huge relief. Now I can concentrate on the other 2 boys I have (16 and 12)
Their mother may be a piece of crap, but they still love their mother. If they break my rules and I do the tough love thing, in time they will be back when they straighten up. If not, I don't want douchebag kids hanging around me. Either way, it's good for me.
Therapy and Al-Anon has helped me put things in perspective. You let go and let god (or the universe or the almighty head or whatever it is for you) take care of it.
The other thing that helped me was the Dr Drew show and reading up on the frontal lobe. Kids make bad decisions for many reasons, one is because their frontal lobe (the area of the brain that deals with consequences) is underdeveloped. They act out before thinking of the consequence, but we parents still have to make them responsible for their actions. I refuse to be responsible for their bad decision making. With my kids, when they refuse to take responsibility, it's time for them to go.
I was a very good kid, so I do not understand my kids actions, so I ask other people, mainly my parents and my friends that had problems when they were teens.
CrabbyOldGuy
New Member
I guess I'm the lucky one. I had 4 teenage daughters at the same time and still have most of my sanity. Only had trouble with one of the boyfriends throughout all that time. He liked to come over to the house when no one was home and rip us off. After I caught him once, he was never back. Girls are all married and have kids of their own now. Pay backs are a b***h sometimes. You get over the troubles eventually. Good luck with yours.
skyhigh
New Member
I'm as good an expert as anyone. You have basically 2 ways to handle her.
1) Give her a beating every day, whether she deserves it or not. You can explain how the days when she didn't do anything wrong, the beating was for the things you didn't catch her at.
or (seriously)
2) Like Sign Maniac said
Also, techman touched on something that every child goes thru...
Most important....... Always be there for her. It may very well get alot worse than it is now, but someday she will come to realize that you were the one she could count on. When she finally grows up, you will have a fantastic relationship. (If you survive)
JoySigns
New Member
I have two daughters age 21 and 24 now. What a relief it is to no longer have teenagers! But first, I would say try to help them find their passion, for our eldest it was theater which kept her busy (she lost interest in it later but it had served it's purpose). For our youngest it was art - private art lessons that were sometimes more talk therapy than anything for her. Also, "pick your fight", ask yourself "is this current issue worth fighting over?" Some are some aren't. We told our elder daughter no facial piercings if she wanted us to pay for college (her ears were ok)! But we let her run around with bright pink hair for about six years. Good luck.