How does one survive raising a teenage daughter?

[Circleville Signs]

I wish this was as simply as picking our fights. This has nothing to do with something that she wants to do or doesn't want to do. It has to do with who she is becoming as a person - someone who is willing to hurt anyone as long as she is getting what she wants...

Her passions are art and cooking. We have given her everything she could ever want/need to foster those passions, from "Liz's Chef night" (once a week, she prepares dinner for everyone - whatever she wants to make - I buy whatever ingredients she needs), to setting up her own art studio in a room here at the shop.

 

[Locals Find!]

This issues you going through are very hard to handle and every situation is going to be different. I have 3 kids (2 boys & 1 girl) I can't tell you how to deal with it. I can only share how I deal with these things.

I remind them I am in charge. That I am the Alpha in the household and what is going to be expected of them. When my kids throw temper tantrums or break the rules. They clearly know what is going to happen to them. I have taken off doors, removed furniture, and even made them pay retribution to other children for broken toys, and damage to other things.

If I was you I would put my foot down really really hard. I would also make it clear to every boy that comes sniffing around that I would break every bone in their body (and never get caught) if they even thought about getting down my daughters pants. I would make it very clear to everyone that I am the biggest baddest SOB in their world and they better stay on my good side or they aren't going to like the consequences of being on my bad side.

My daughter hates me sometimes but, I view it as my job to raise her right so she can survive on her own. If she loves me great. If not well, I made the decision long ago I can live with that if she can take care of herself, be happy and not be a burden on others when I am gone.

 

[Border]

I wish this was as simply as picking our fights. This has nothing to do with something that she wants to do or doesn't want to do. It has to do with who she is becoming as a person /QUOTE]

Well, mine went through this phase too and believe me, she was always the sweetest, most loving kid you would ever know. She has since apologized for those days. Some get it worse than others obviously.
My case was was pretty bad if I do say so myself. Everyone on my side of the family felt horrible for me because they knew how wonderful our relationship was when she younger and saw how much hurt I was going through. It lasted around 3-4 years, maybe even 5 now that I think of it.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone ( except her mother. LOL )

Be patient, loving and most of all be consistent in your good parenting attempts, because that is what every child needs more than anything, in my opinion.

In the end, she will come to appreciate that she could always count on knowing where you stand.

 

[Colin]

When people are all starry-eyed and dreamy about having a baby, they should be asked: "Do you want to have a teenager?"

 

[Techman]

What would you do if a criminal came into your daughters room in the middle of the night?

Her actions are just like a criminal in the night. Is it time for the same resolve? Yes. All tools are on the table. All options are open including emancipation. It is all out war with a united front at the home. What goes on the the other's house does not influence what goes on in your house. Good luck..

 

[AnotherSignManiac]

Just coming out of my 'teen years' (22 here) and now becoming a mother myself I guess I can bridge the two.

As a teen I think when I acted out it was to get the attention of my father, he was amazing, and loves me to pieces but sometimes I felt like he wasn't around at all. I went through a few years of a very spiteful relationship with him because of this (I'd say around 14-18) all I can say is I bounced out of it, and now that I am older I can look at it through a non teenage view and see that my dad loved me and did what he did for a damn good reason lol! I think the teenage years are hard as hell but once she gets through it all it should get better. Mine did!!! (and hey what dad isn't happy about becoming a grandpa!)

As far as the sex thing goes, its hard to keep that under a no-go situation, my personal and best advice is get her on birth control. This doesn't permit her to go out and have sex, but if she is it does prevent her from making a dumb mistake/decision. My mother got me on it when I was 18/19 not because she wanted to allow me to have sex, but if I was at least I was protected.

Hope this helps some... good luck and please... always tell her you love her. she may not say it back but it means the world to her... trust me!

 

[sar bossier]

What would you do if a criminal came into your daughters room in the middle of the night?

Her actions are just like a criminal in the night. Is it time for the same resolve? Yes. All tools are on the table. All options are open including emancipation. It is all out war with a united front at the home. What goes on the the other's house does not influence what goes on in your house. Good luck..

This is VERY true, but be prepared for the fallout. My oldest, now 26, was pulling very similar s**t, and we took the firm stance. We established a good relationship when she turned 19, but some recent events with one of my step sons brought up (for her) all of the past anger and resentment. Now she claims to have disowned us, and refuses to allow us to see or speak with our 2 grandbabies, who have always been very much in our lives. The pain is more than I ever would have imagined. She states she thought she was over all the issues, but is not, and wants nothing more to do with us.

 

[SignManiac]

As a teenager, I was the incarnation of Satan, pure evil... I hated my parents, I hated authority, I hated anyone who thought they were going to tell me what to do. I even threatened to beat my mother to death with a chair if she did not shut TF up and stay out of my life. I had the chair raised.

From the age of thirteen I drank, did drugs, and porked (Ricks phrase) every loose girl I could find. I would sleep in phone booths all night rather than go home. I could fill a book on my escapades and by the time I was eighteen I was worn out, tired and ready to settle down.

I ran away from home at thirteen, but was apprehended and forced to go back home. I told my parents that I would pack my bags and leave on my 16th birthday, legally there was no way they could stop me, and I did.

For me, that was the day I accepted full responsibility for my actions from that day on. This was the beginning of me growing up fast. There would be no calling parents when the cops picked me up or when I got into trouble. I would go to jail if need be and face up to my choices. I wanted total control over my own life and this was the only way. Doesn't always work for every kid but it did with me.

Yes I found out quickly, how hard it was out in the real world. Made me that much more determined to succeed if for no other reason than to thumb my nose at the rest of the world just so they would not have the satisfaction of saying I told you so.

Those of you with problem kids, be grateful you did not have me for a son! But what I'm getting at here is, as bad as it may seem, there is always hope that your kid can eventually turn around and see the light. Not all is lost. If I could straighten out, then so can yours. I was written off by everyone to either end up dead or in prison before I turned eighteen. Could have gone either way.

As parents we coddle our kids and want them to have everything they need, but that's not always enough. Sooner or later they are going to learn that life is not easy. I don't think you can teach them too soon that life is hard. We all have to live by rules or else. Kids need to understand what that else is.

I would go so far as to see if your community has any scared straight programs. Because as a teenager, some of the mistakes made can be life changing or even fatal.

At her age she needs a serious case of tough love right now for her own good, but make sure she knows you love her. I hope it doesn't kill you in the process!

 

[Gino]

Isn't that special................

 

[SignManiac]

Ha ha Gino, I very well could have been

 

[ProWraps]

send her over to her newly remodeled relationship with her mom.

let that fall to ***** and when she begs to come home, tell her NO. flat out.

you made your bed, you lay in it. you can still be her father, and she can appreciate you as her father by comparing the crap she lives in due to her decision. win win.

my story is pretty spot on with signmaniacs. i was a holly terror. and i grew up in a family with phds, masters degrees and a father that was a micro biologist. im the only one that never finished college. now i make more than several of them combined.

why? cause my mom gave me what i wanted. when i said "i dont need you" i was out of the door litteraly within minutes and my crap was on the porch. i never returned. best thing that ever happend to me.

 

[HulkSmash]

This issues you going through are very hard to handle and every situation is going to be different. I have 3 kids (2 boys & 1 girl) I can't tell you how to deal with it. I can only share how I deal with these things.

I remind them I am in charge. That I am the Alpha in the household and what is going to be expected of them. When my kids throw temper tantrums or break the rules. They clearly know what is going to happen to them. I have taken off doors, removed furniture, and even made them pay retribution to other children for broken toys, and damage to other things.

If I was you I would put my foot down really really hard. I would also make it clear to every boy that comes sniffing around that I would break every bone in their body (and never get caught) if they even thought about getting down my daughters pants. I would make it very clear to everyone that I am the biggest baddest SOB in their world and they better stay on my good side or they aren't going to like the consequences of being on my bad side.

My daughter hates me sometimes but, I view it as my job to raise her right so she can survive on her own. If she loves me great. If not well, I made the decision long ago I can live with that if she can take care of herself, be happy and not be a burden on others when I am gone.

Addy the ALPHA MALE. scary

 

[Circleville Signs]

send her over to her newly remodeled relationship with her mom.

let that fall to ***** and when she begs to come home, tell her NO. flat out.

you made your bed, you lay in it. you can still be her father, and she can appreciate you as her father by comparing the crap she lives in due to her decision. win win.

my story is pretty spot on with signmaniacs. i was a holly terror. and i grew up in a family with phds, masters degrees and a father that was a micro biologist. im the only one that never finished college. now i make more than several of them combined.

why? cause my mom gave me what i wanted. when i said "i dont need you" i was out of the door litteraly within minutes and my crap was on the porch. i never returned. best thing that ever happend to me.

If she was 18, then that would be fine. But she's 14.

Also, that's why I feel like i CAN'T just send her to her mom's. My ex is the type who will be very popular from the ages of 14-18. Liz will be allowed to do whatever she wants to do, with little to no consequences.

Right now, after trying to talk to her about it today (my daughter), and having my ex blow up my phone with texts like "now YOU know how it feels!", and "How do YOU like being the one she doesn't love", I've decided that I'm done for now. She can talk to me when she is ready to. Of course, that doesn't mean that she isn't coming back here when she is supposed to - I won't be voluntarily giving up my time with her.

 

[d fleming]

+1, split at 16 to go on the road with a rock band. Stabbed every female that stopped short in front of me, stayed as messed up as I could get. When I came off the road I settled down and grew up. Been married 28 years to a wonderful woman who never had the good sense to get away from me. Thank God neither of my children are a speck on my behind as far as trouble goes.

As a teenager, I was the incarnation of Satan, pure evil... I hated my parents, I hated authority, I hated anyone who thought they were going to tell me what to do. I even threatened to beat my mother to death with a chair if she did not shut TF up and stay out of my life. I had the chair raised.

From the age of thirteen I drank, did drugs, and porked (Ricks phrase) every loose girl I could find. I would sleep in phone booths all night rather than go home. I could fill a book on my escapades and by the time I was eighteen I was worn out, tired and ready to settle down.

I ran away from home at thirteen, but was apprehended and forced to go back home. I told my parents that I would pack my bags and leave on my 16th birthday, legally there was no way they could stop me, and I did.

For me, that was the day I accepted full responsibility for my actions from that day on. This was the beginning of me growing up fast. There would be no calling parents when the cops picked me up or when I got into trouble. I would go to jail if need be and face up to my choices. I wanted total control over my own life and this was the only way. Doesn't always work for every kid but it did with me.

Yes I found out quickly, how hard it was out in the real world. Made me that much more determined to succeed if for no other reason than to thumb my nose at the rest of the world just so they would not have the satisfaction of saying I told you so.

Those of you with problem kids, be grateful you did not have me for a son! But what I'm getting at here is, as bad as it may seem, there is always hope that your kid can eventually turn around and see the light. Not all is lost. If I could straighten out, then so can yours. I was written off by everyone to either end up dead or in prison before I turned eighteen. Could have gone either way.

As parents we coddle our kids and want them to have everything they need, but that's not always enough. Sooner or later they are going to learn that life is not easy. I don't think you can teach them too soon that life is hard. We all have to live by rules or else. Kids need to understand what that else is.

I would go so far as to see if your community has any scared straight programs. Because as a teenager, some of the mistakes made can be life changing or even fatal.

At her age she needs a serious case of tough love right now for her own good, but make sure she knows you love her. I hope it doesn't kill you in the process!

 

[Border]

Your ex and mine sound an awful lot alike...That makes me feel for ya! Going through the teenage years is a whole other story when you have one of the parents out to HURT the other one and trying to win a popularity contest rather than being a devoted, good parent.

 

[Jillbeans]

What I'm reading in here and also wondering about (and hoping you don't) is do you bad-rap the birth mother to your daughter? A lot of us folks who are divorced have made that mistake.
I really hope you don't say disparaging things, even if they are well-deserved, about her mom to Liz.
I think there is more at issue here than just a misbehaving teenager.

I suspect that Liz is loving the attention she's getting from you, even though it is negative. And she's probably secretly getting a thrill that you and her birth mom are fighting over her. She probably is loving driving that wedge between you and your wife.

I would suggest not speaking to Liz at all. Shun her like you're Amish. Keep her on the pill, of course. Take away all the benefits she has now. Take your wife out to dinner alone on Liz's cooking night. Try this for a few weeks, especially over the holidays. Do not talk to the birth mom, or about the birth mom in any way. I'd even change my cell number so she can't torture you with texts. I'm sure she is also loving the attention.

I think creating more rules and clamping down on Liz will only make her try harder to **** you off. Worst case, let her go and live with her birth mom with the understanding that she gets one chance to try it out and come back home.

I am the mom of a 24 year old who was only "bad" from the ages of 14-16. We are closer than anything, even though we had a few rough years and I am by no means the world's greatest mom.
Good luck.
Love....Jill

 

[Fanaticus]

google "life 102.5" and listen to it for at least 30 days. Check out the website they mention about raising teenagers. Listen to and do the things they suggest.

 

[Colin]

google "life 102.5" and listen to it for at least 30 days. Check out the website they mention about raising teenagers. Listen to and do the things they suggest.

Supernatural religious BS. No thanks.

 

[JAMEY]

Seriously. How does one do this. In the last month I have been hit with more crap, general hurtfulness, and terrible decision making than I have ever seen before.

You love a kid, provide for them, are the one who picks up the pieces every time their worthless, bi-polar, POS mother craps on them and all you get in return is hatefulness, spite, and pettiness...

I have no idea who the kid is anymore. Anyone who's been here have tips?

I know exactly how you feel. Mine is 18.

 

[Circleville Signs]

What I'm reading in here and also wondering about (and hoping you don't) is do you bad-rap the birth mother to your daughter? A lot of us folks who are divorced have made that mistake.
I really hope you don't say disparaging things, even if they are well-deserved, about her mom to Liz.
I think there is more at issue here than just a misbehaving teenager.

I suspect that Liz is loving the attention she's getting from you, even though it is negative. And she's probably secretly getting a thrill that you and her birth mom are fighting over her. She probably is loving driving that wedge between you and your wife.

I would suggest not speaking to Liz at all. Shun her like you're Amish. Keep her on the pill, of course. Take away all the benefits she has now. Take your wife out to dinner alone on Liz's cooking night. Try this for a few weeks, especially over the holidays. Do not talk to the birth mom, or about the birth mom in any way. I'd even change my cell number so she can't torture you with texts. I'm sure she is also loving the attention.

I think creating more rules and clamping down on Liz will only make her try harder to **** you off. Worst case, let her go and live with her birth mom with the understanding that she gets one chance to try it out and come back home.

I am the mom of a 24 year old who was only "bad" from the ages of 14-16. We are closer than anything, even though we had a few rough years and I am by no means the world's greatest mom.
Good luck.
Love....Jill

Thanks Jill

I will admit that over the years I have said less than pleasant things about my ex - but only when my daughter has been on the edge of a total mental breakdown from all of the lies, verbal abuse, guilt trips, and all the rest of the crap that the ex has piled on her.

Of course, when my daughter has sobbed and told me she hated her mother, and BEGGED me to go back to court so that she would never have to see her again, I have been the one to talk her off the ledge and help her to see that you can she didn't really hate her mom - she just wanted her mom to love her the way that she deserved to be loved.

Now of course, my ex is enjoying every last second of this. It's a messed up situation for sure, and one that I feel so far out of my depth with that I can't even begin to describe it.

I can only pray that it gets better...