The Sarah Script is discordant with whatever it is you used for the main copy as is the bilious green 1950's flavor tilted triangle. But the biggest thing wrong with it is that it's functionally illegible. All of those gratuitous devices you've strung about are supposed to frame and accent the copy not take its place.
Sweet! I does look so much better without the white bits. Now you just need to amp up the letter contrast a tad.What if it looked like a button? This is a roughy.........
See post 13OK, what would #10 look like if you filled in all of the captive white, as in a solid background, and perhaps if you narrowed the outside green outline a taste? All of that captive white still looks rather busy and the outer outline seems too fat. Perhaps the perceived fatness will go away when the background is made solid. Who knows.
After you fill in the white you might try a very subtle vertical stripe on the resultant green background. Very Victorian that.