Bigdawg
Just Me
Life hasn't been so great lately -yet I am more than thankful for the things that are good.. the things that let me be okay for a few more minutes... the sometimes very small pleasures in life.
My Bigdawg is going in for a defibrillator on Monday. He was supposed to have it almost a month ago but when some test came back they were worse than we thought... so even though it had been approved - it had to be changed from a single-chamber to a double chamber because of the deterioration in his health. It all takes time. He is down to 25% heart function.
About six weeks ago the doctor told my husband that it is a miracle every day he is alive. It is. The defib is a last-ditch effort to keep him alive longer. While most people get one to regulate their heart beat and in case their heart slows too much or speeds up too much the defib can shock the rate back to where it's supposed be. With my husband it's because there is a huge risk his heart will just stop. He'll get tired one day and it will just stop and the defib may be able to stop it from being the last time.
I didn't handle the news too well.... actually I spent the better part of a week crying when they told me he will never get any better but they can try to keep him alive as long as possible. But no guarantees on how long.
My husband is everything to me.... the most important part of my life. I realized I couldn't function working away from home... all I could think of is the urgent need to be with him. To make sure he is okay. I offered my resignation at work... but my boss is a terrific guy. We talked it over and I am still employed - but on a part time schedule with a ton of flexibility.
The real Bigdawg is Superman. Seriously is Superman. He is the toughest SOB I know and he is fighting every day... we haven't given up any kind of hope... but we've had some real hard doses of reality here lately.
You guys are my friends... my family... I've always loved that we are like one on here - dysfunction and all. I share this because you are. I'm scared. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and understand why I'm not on here much lately. He is my number one priority.
My Bigdawg is going in for a defibrillator on Monday. He was supposed to have it almost a month ago but when some test came back they were worse than we thought... so even though it had been approved - it had to be changed from a single-chamber to a double chamber because of the deterioration in his health. It all takes time. He is down to 25% heart function.
About six weeks ago the doctor told my husband that it is a miracle every day he is alive. It is. The defib is a last-ditch effort to keep him alive longer. While most people get one to regulate their heart beat and in case their heart slows too much or speeds up too much the defib can shock the rate back to where it's supposed be. With my husband it's because there is a huge risk his heart will just stop. He'll get tired one day and it will just stop and the defib may be able to stop it from being the last time.
I didn't handle the news too well.... actually I spent the better part of a week crying when they told me he will never get any better but they can try to keep him alive as long as possible. But no guarantees on how long.
My husband is everything to me.... the most important part of my life. I realized I couldn't function working away from home... all I could think of is the urgent need to be with him. To make sure he is okay. I offered my resignation at work... but my boss is a terrific guy. We talked it over and I am still employed - but on a part time schedule with a ton of flexibility.
The real Bigdawg is Superman. Seriously is Superman. He is the toughest SOB I know and he is fighting every day... we haven't given up any kind of hope... but we've had some real hard doses of reality here lately.
You guys are my friends... my family... I've always loved that we are like one on here - dysfunction and all. I share this because you are. I'm scared. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and understand why I'm not on here much lately. He is my number one priority.
