Anyone born more than 5 years apart from their siblings is typically considered an only child. You likely have traits of an only child and some of a last born also.
Just for fun...I'm a first born and this fits me very closely.
Firstborn Personality Traits
Simply by being a couple's first child, a firstborn will naturally be raised with a mixture of instinct and trial-and-error. This often causes parents to become by-the-book caregivers who are extremely attentive, stringent with rules, and overly neurotic about the minutiae. This, in turn, may cause the child to
become a perfectionist, always striving to please his parents.
Firstborns bask in their parents' presence, which may explain why they sometimes act like mini-adults. They’re also diligent and want to excel at everything they do. As the leader of the pack, firstborns often tend to be:
- Reliable
- Conscientious
- Structured
- Cautious
- Controlling
- Achievers
Firstborn Strengths
The firstborn is often used to being the center of attention; he has Mom and Dad to himself before siblings arrive. "Many parents spend more time reading and explaining things to firstborns. It's not as easy
when other kids come into the picture," says Frank Farley, Ph.D., a psychologist at Temple University, in Philadelphia, who has studied personality and human development for decades. "That undivided attention may have a lot to do with why firstborns tend to be overachievers," he explains. In addition to usually scoring higher on IQ tests and generally getting more education than their brothers and sisters, firstborns tend to outearn their siblings.
Firstborn Challenges
Success comes with a price: Firstborns tend to be type A personalities who never cut themselves any slack. "They often have an intense
fear of failure, so nothing they accomplish feels good enough," says Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., a child and family therapist in White Plains, New York. And because they dread making a misstep, oldest kids tend to stick to the straight and narrow: "They're typically inflexible—they don't like change and are hesitant to step out of their comfort zone," she explains.
In addition, because firstborns are often given a lot of responsibility at home—whether it's
helping with chores or watching over younger siblings—they can be quick to take charge (and can be bossy when they do). That burden can lead to excess stress for a child who already feels pressure to be perfect.
Middle Child Personality Traits
If the couple decides to
have a second child, they might raise their second-born with less of an iron first due to their previous experience. They might also be less attentive since there's other children in their lives. Therefore, the middle child is often a people-pleaser due to the lack of attention he gets in comparison to his older sibling and younger sibling.
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The middle child often feels left out and a sense of, 'Well, I'm not the oldest. I'm not the youngest. Who am I?'" says therapist Meri Wallace. This sort of hierarchical floundering leads middle children to make their mark among their peers, since parental attention is usually devoted to the beloved firstborn or baby of the family. What’s more, "middle children are the toughest to pin down because they play off their older sibling," says Dr. Leman.
In general, middle children tend to possess the following birth order personality traits:
- People-pleasers
- Somewhat rebellious
- Thrives on friendships
- Has large social circle
- Peacemaker
Middle Child Strengths
Middleborns are go-with-the-flow types; once a younger sibling arrives, they must learn how to constantly
negotiate and compromise in order to "fit in" with everyone. Not surprisingly, Dr. Sulloway notes, middle kids score higher in agreeableness than both their older and younger sibs.
Because they receive less attention at home, middletons tend to forge stronger bonds with friends and be less tethered to their family than their brothers and sisters. "They're usually the first of their siblings to take a trip with another family or to want to sleep at a friend's house," says Linda Dunlap, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Marist College, in Poughkeepsie, New York.
Middle Child Challenges
Middle kids once lived as the baby of the family, until they were
dethroned by a new sibling. Unfortunately, they're often acutely aware that they don't get as much parental attention as their "trailblazing" older sibling or the beloved youngest, and they feel like their needs and wants are ignored. "Middle kids are in a difficult position in a family because they think they're not valued," says Dr. Maidenberg, "It's easy for them to be left out and get lost in the shuffle." And there is some validity to their complaint: A survey by TheBabyWebsite.com, a British parenting resource, found that a third of parents with three children admit to giving their middle child far less attention than they give the other two.
Youngest Child Personality Traits
Youngest children tend to be the most free-spirited due to their parents' increasingly laissez-faire attitude towards parenting the second (or third, or fourth, or fifth...) time around. The baby of the family tends to have the following birth order traits:
- Fun-loving
- Uncomplicated
- Manipulative
- Outgoing
- Attention-seeker
- Self-centered
Youngest Child Strengths
Lastborns generally aren't the strongest or the smartest in the room, so they develop their own ways of winning attention. They're natural charmers with an outgoing, social personality; no surprise then that many famous actors and comedians are the baby of the family, or that they score higher in "agreeableness" on personality tests than firstborns, according to Dr. Sulloway's research.
Youngests also make a play for the spotlight with their adventurousness. Free-spirited lastborns are more open to unconventional experiences and taking physical risks than their siblings (research has shown that they're more likely to
play sports like football and soccer than their older siblings, who preferred activities like track and tennis).
Youngest Child Challenges
Youngests are known for feeling that "nothing I do is important," Dr. Leman notes. "None of their accomplishments seem original. Their siblings have already learned to talk, read, and
ride a bike. So parents react with less spontaneous joy at their accomplishments and may even wonder, 'Why can't he catch on faster?'"
Lastborns also learn to use their role as the baby to manipulate others in order to get their way. "They're the least likely to be disciplined," Dr. Leman notes. Parents often coddle the littlest when it comes to chores and rules, failing to hold them to the same standards as their siblings.
Only Children Personality Traits
Being an only child is a unique position. Without any siblings to compete with, the only child monopolizes his parents' attention and resources—not just for a short period of time like a firstborn, but forever. In effect, this makes an only child something like a "super-firstborn": only children have the privilege (and the burden) of having all their parents' support and expectations on their shoulders. Thus, only children tend to be:
- Mature for their age
- Perfectionists
- Conscientious
- Diligent
- Leaders
