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How does one survive raising a teenage daughter?
- Thread starter Circleville Signs
- Start date
Circleville Signs
New Member
If I have learned one thing in this week from hell, it's that I did way to much trying to "make her happy" and not anywhere near enough teaching that "life ain't fair, and the world owes you exactly jack-sh!t".
Learn from my mistakes.
royster13
New Member
Walking or biking costs next to "zip" and if done right is better than any gym.....
that and sometimes I think she is just the spawn of satan... circle, I feel for you, and the setting limits thing too, my daughter is used to getting her own way and her dad pretty much gave her anything she asked for (and still does) So when I set limits they are ignored, and even now she expects me to be her built in sitter and maid, and general slave. Her dad says "remember when you were a teen? she's just being a teenager..." well this teen is now a mom and gave up her right to be a normal teen when she decided to become a mom. You can only do yor best and hope they make it to adulthood! It is so confusing to have so much resentment and anger when you have been doing everything for them, just hang in there!
artbot she is only in general counseling, borderline ocd and borderline bi-polar. No meds and I don't think she needs them
artbot she is only in general counseling, borderline ocd and borderline bi-polar. No meds and I don't think she needs them
Gino
Premium Subscriber
Not to sound mean, but it still seems like the 'School of Hard Knocks' is still one of the best medicines around.
It's a tough school and way of learning, but you sure learn first hand how to cope with reality.
The drugs, split personalities and other causes for many of today's kids is real. I just happen to think it's wa-a-a-ay over rated and depended upon from the pharmaceutical companies to the many ****-poor doctors out there prescribing drugs to fix this or that. Our cleaning lady is a true full blown paranoid schizophrenic. Without her medicine she isn't any fun to be around. It's like being around a 12 year old in a 50 year old body. She's not allowed to drive or really be out a whole lot... especially if she's not on her meds. However, she can discuss it with you like she's not there.... and sometimes she's not there while you're talking to her.
There are quite a few people out there that truly need help from professionals, but many of today's kids seem to be in touch with the internet, their friends, texting around the world and getting all kinds of ideas on how to push buttons, get away with it and then fall back on it's the parents fault syndrome. There are more kids on worthless drugs and medicine just to fill the pharmaceutical companies pockets then there are grains of sand on the beaches. Sure, most kids are a product of their environment, but c'mon folks.... unless your life is completely falling apart and there is utterly no guidance from either parent, they have failing grades at school, have a poor image if themselves and don't care what they eat or drink, what they put into their body and live on a sofa surfing the net all day.... you just have a problem kid that probably needs a good spanking. It takes years for a kid to develop this kind of behavior or at least be diagnosed if they are truly messed up and need this professional help, especially if the parents blame each other and teach that kid unknowingly what dysfunction is all about. Within the same family unit, some kids are stronger than others or have developed better social skills and while Johnny might not be acting out... little Suzy just is a handful.
As tough love is hard to do, remember one thing.... life is precious and it can be short under certain circumstances. Don't let go too far and become the person on the outside looking in and saying.... why didn't I..............................
Your job as a parent is just going to be harder and from a distance. Until that kid is taken away from you or turns 18.... you have a moral responsibility, but perhaps, you should go get some counseling yourself and if your ex doesn't want to or admit it.... at least you are doing your part. Someone here said earlier that parenting is not easy... well it's not, but just because you think you've done it all and throw your hands up in the air.... really isn't being fair to that little girl, just because she's mixed up, confused and probably terrified, but just is acting out the way she's been taught or has observed.
We're all in this together and someday, you don't want to be the one everyone points to and says.... well, he did his tough love act, just wrote her off and then expected her to learn from a your ex. To me, this is not tough love, but some kind of demented torture. Your purposely sending her to the lions knowing full well what's going to happen. She's gonna turn out JUST LIKE YOUR EX. Is that what you want ?? Well, that's what you're doing. Tough love is making it happen with her being with the supposedly grown up adult. Is that you or your ex ??
Tough love stares you down everyday and it's tough to have this in your face, but rather that, than throwing her to the lions. I don't think you should give her the presents and award her for being a bad little potty mouth, but someone needs to teach her while she is still learning. Just make it good lessons and not bad ones.
Believe me, like arty said..... this is not guesswork on my end. Family things, friends, employees and more. It's just so much more rampant nowadays than you hardly heard of it 30 or 40 years ago. Back then it was a bad little boy or a naughty girl, but today, the doctors are thriving from all the supposedly sick kids and giving them medicines. They are basically prescribing placebos because if the kids think they are being doctored as an adult, they have a place in the world and can compete with you for power. Don't give it to them.
It's a tough school and way of learning, but you sure learn first hand how to cope with reality.
The drugs, split personalities and other causes for many of today's kids is real. I just happen to think it's wa-a-a-ay over rated and depended upon from the pharmaceutical companies to the many ****-poor doctors out there prescribing drugs to fix this or that. Our cleaning lady is a true full blown paranoid schizophrenic. Without her medicine she isn't any fun to be around. It's like being around a 12 year old in a 50 year old body. She's not allowed to drive or really be out a whole lot... especially if she's not on her meds. However, she can discuss it with you like she's not there.... and sometimes she's not there while you're talking to her.
There are quite a few people out there that truly need help from professionals, but many of today's kids seem to be in touch with the internet, their friends, texting around the world and getting all kinds of ideas on how to push buttons, get away with it and then fall back on it's the parents fault syndrome. There are more kids on worthless drugs and medicine just to fill the pharmaceutical companies pockets then there are grains of sand on the beaches. Sure, most kids are a product of their environment, but c'mon folks.... unless your life is completely falling apart and there is utterly no guidance from either parent, they have failing grades at school, have a poor image if themselves and don't care what they eat or drink, what they put into their body and live on a sofa surfing the net all day.... you just have a problem kid that probably needs a good spanking. It takes years for a kid to develop this kind of behavior or at least be diagnosed if they are truly messed up and need this professional help, especially if the parents
As tough love is hard to do, remember one thing.... life is precious and it can be short under certain circumstances. Don't let go too far and become the person on the outside looking in and saying.... why didn't I..............................
Your job as a parent is just going to be harder and from a distance. Until that kid is taken away from you or turns 18.... you have a moral responsibility, but perhaps, you should go get some counseling yourself and if your ex doesn't want to or admit it.... at least you are doing your part. Someone here said earlier that parenting is not easy... well it's not, but just because you think you've done it all and throw your hands up in the air.... really isn't being fair to that little girl, just because she's mixed up, confused and probably terrified, but just is acting out the way she's been taught or has observed.
We're all in this together and someday, you don't want to be the one everyone points to and says.... well, he did his tough love act, just wrote her off and then expected her to learn from a your ex. To me, this is not tough love, but some kind of demented torture. Your purposely sending her to the lions knowing full well what's going to happen. She's gonna turn out JUST LIKE YOUR EX. Is that what you want ?? Well, that's what you're doing. Tough love is making it happen with her being with the supposedly grown up adult. Is that you or your ex ??
Tough love stares you down everyday and it's tough to have this in your face, but rather that, than throwing her to the lions. I don't think you should give her the presents and award her for being a bad little potty mouth, but someone needs to teach her while she is still learning. Just make it good lessons and not bad ones.
Believe me, like arty said..... this is not guesswork on my end. Family things, friends, employees and more. It's just so much more rampant nowadays than you hardly heard of it 30 or 40 years ago. Back then it was a bad little boy or a naughty girl, but today, the doctors are thriving from all the supposedly sick kids and giving them medicines. They are basically prescribing placebos because if the kids think they are being doctored as an adult, they have a place in the world and can compete with you for power. Don't give it to them.
GypsyGraphics
New Member
the Safe Haven Law of the land, was an unwritten and for the most part unspoken law. in fact, the first time i ever used the word "safe-haven" on this subject was about 3 years ago... in a conversation with my 15 year old... who needed to hear it.
standing on formalities, even on something as important as the treatment of family members.... is NOT our style. Sarcasm & Teasing soooo IS! and my boys a great at it... life would be a total bore without it!
perfect parents and the perfect kids? i don't think that exists... who'd want it anyway. boooooring!
my middle son is home for the holiday's, with the three boys together again....
it's GAME ON!!! ...and a total BLAST!
I have a few Philipina friends at work who told me the best deterrent to them misbehaving was having to kneel on the floor and hold their arms out from their sides... if they were REALLY bad, they had to hold cans of soup until told to put them down.. amazingly enough they were good as gold thereafter. Though after they moved away from their parents it was a whole 'nother story! I seriously think maybe we should just ship them away until they are in their twenties.
It looks to me in my limited knowledge of you personally , that you and your wife are doing what you can to the best of your abilities. I don't know what it is with teenage girls, but it sure seems universal, just hang in there, and know that no matter what you do, you will never be as cool, understanding or wonderful as their friend's parents...
It looks to me in my limited knowledge of you personally , that you and your wife are doing what you can to the best of your abilities. I don't know what it is with teenage girls, but it sure seems universal, just hang in there, and know that no matter what you do, you will never be as cool, understanding or wonderful as their friend's parents...