How does one survive raising a teenage daughter?

[skyhigh]

Good advice except for this part......

I would suggest not speaking to Liz at all. Shun her like you're Amish. Take away all the benefits she has now. Take your wife out to dinner alone on Liz's cooking night.

That feeling of "nobody loves me" may be enough to push her over the deep end (enough said). Never break communication, if nothing more than the reassurance of telling her that you love her. You don't have to let her push your buttons, but don't isolate her either.

 

[Jillbeans]

But people hate to be ignored.
By non-reacting, especially when she is out of control and being rude, you are telling her that you just won't tolerate that crap.
If she's acting normal, by all means reply.
I had a feeling she had been hearing a bit of bashing of her mom, try not to do this under any circumstances.
I know it's hard not to.

 

[Pixels Are Bad Mmmkay?]

Man, I'm with ya. I'm going through the same behavior with my daughter who is just turning 14 in January. In the last few months we've caught her drinking, smoking cigarettes and pot, and not to mention doing some other s##t that's just downright disrespectful and unacceptable.

What am I doing about it? Pulling my hair out like you, my friend. I can only just try to communicate with her and hope for the best. I really don't think there's much more one can do. I've tried freaking out and that REALLY didn't help, so trying to communicate with them the best you can seems to be about the only option.

Probably not what you hoped to hear, but yeah...parenting sucks.

 

[thewvsignguy]

Just caught on to this post and I feel for you.

I have a son that turned 16 yesterday, he has not spoken to me in about a year now and yea it hurts. He came up last Xmas for his bday and xmas gifts took him and snowboarding for the weekend and now because of his PSYCHO/Bi-polar mother he now will not give me the time of day. All situations are complicated and so is mine court will do nothing and after spending over 10k in lawyers all I get is the right to see my son, not the choice. I'm not a bad guy but to have rules and boundaries that he does not have to fallow being with his mother.

I gave my parents a fit when they separated said things I should not have said and did things I should not have done. My only hope is when children grow up (as I did) they will learn to appreciate us that much more and then they will know who loves them and only wants the best for them.

I hope your situation gets better.....

 

[Stealth Ryder]

I somehow raised to daughters alone. There were times I was sure I would not survive and know I made many, many mistakes... Somehow, thru it all they both turned out great and proved to be awsome adults... Not sure how much I had to do with how great they turned out but now at 50 I am very proud of my girls... I have no advice other than make decisions that you know will benefit them and in the end I think you will be proud of the results...

 

[Border]

I just got 1 of the nicest text messages from my daughter in a long time... just wanted you to know there really can't be light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going to bed a very happy dad tonight! It was suddenly obvious that I have made some good impressions through some tough times.

 

[ProWraps]

well, you could always send her to my house... i could feed her nanas, put her in her jammies, slap her in her walker and make her watch calluiou.

 

[Bly]

Wait it out. There's no reasoning with them at that age.

All you can do is lead by example.
After they get old enough they stop listening to what you say and only watch what you do.

My 21 girl turned out a great person although she is more heavily tattooed than most of my friends.

 

[wedosigns]

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT!!!

1. Always praise for the good behaviour! It is hard to ignore bad behaviour but you should ignore most insults, bad behaviour, comments(stuff the ex is feeding her). You have to know where it is coming from! Do not feed into the arguements. No response means no attention and it is all about attention(good or bad). Only give good attention all the rest should be ignored(walk away from arguements). No rise from you it will get worst then decrease!
2. Set the rules and consequences under your roof! Follow through with the consequences.
3. I will always love you, but when you do_____ I feel.

Treat her like an adult, she is one! They use to marry and have kids way younger back in the day.

The bottom line is don't give her reason to think you are in the wrong(your ex is doing it for you). She will realise that there is rules and consequences in life, and that you are really just trying to guide her to positive decisions.

She may even be lost (to the ex) for a while but I am sure with the character you have installed in her already it will not be for long.

KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND BE POSITIVE!! ​

 

[Jillbeans]

 

[bobremjr]

FatBoy & Fred are right. It makes you stronger & deal with it with love. Just when you think you want to blow up grit your teeth and say something totally unexpected ..... " you know it's your decision, I love you no matter what you decide but life tends to be easier with good decisions though". I've raised both girls & boys and it has always amazed me how similar they can be. Hope this helps ! ?????

 

[WildWestDesigns]

Treat her like an adult, she is one! They use to marry and have kids way younger back in the day.

​

Never did like this reasoning. They used to do a lot of things back in the day, depending on what day you were to look at. Didn't make it the best choice then or now.

I can promise you that I/we/they might have thought that they were/are adults at this time, but mentally it isn't the case. Just look at some of the stories that are throughout this thread.

Even when they did marry and have kids at that age, they really weren't adults. Just because they are at the age of reproduction, doesn't really qualify them as adults. Some girls can actually hit it before they are in their teens (not much more mind you), I wouldn't call them adults just because they can give birth.

 

[Bigdawg]

Love her. That's really all - just make sure she knows however she screws up - you love her...

Then pile her in the car with all of her stuff and take her to her mom's. Tell her you can't let her threaten the people you love (your wife) anymore than you would let anyone threaten her. Then be tough. When mommy has no use for her again and she wants to see daddy you tell her that you love her, but it's best she stay where she is.

She will hate you. She will be pissed. And eventually she will understand.

TiaMarie had no love for Jeff when we first got together. She HATED him. And acted on that emotion and nothing else when we first lived together. At 14, she got in an argument with us and informed us that all she had to do to get rid of Jeff was call the cops and tell them he was touching her inappropriately. She was in the car, on her way to her dad's in a matter of minutes.

Dad's house was a lovely place. He lived with another guy who fancied himself an outdoorsman... she came home once to an alligator in the bathtub. She couldn't bathe for a week. Sorry about her luck. She would hide in the closet when their friends came over because the smell of pot smoke and whiskey made her sick. The house was beyond disgusting. But I made her stay until she realized how she had to act in a functioning family.

She truly loves Jeff now. And she tells me that her experience at dad's house made her realize how good she had it at home. I cried nearly every night, for the two months she was there and it broke my heart.

There is hope at the end of the tunnel. 14 is hard for a girl. Very hard. Half woman half child.... She does not need to be emancipated - that's just crazy talk. She's just a mixed-up girl that needs a firm hand and a ton of love. Pretty sure you can give her both...

 

[Marlene]

I will admit that over the years I have said less than pleasant things about my ex - but only when my daughter has been on the edge of a total mental breakdown from all of the lies, verbal abuse, guilt trips, and all the rest of the crap that the ex has piled on her.

I was married to a guy who ended up being a real dirtball but he is the father of my daughter. the one thing that should never happen is including the child in what is going on between the parents. it may sound old fashion but knowing how you two feel about each other really doesn't help as kids feel like they have to take sides. I hated my ex's guts but my daughter never knew that until she was an adult and figured it out for herself. I didn't crap on him in anyway to her and oh, how I could as he was not only a dirtball but a deadbeat dad and just an overall jerk. just always remember she is not your friend, she has friends and what she needs is a father. there are times I'll get a call from my 30 year old telling me she needs her "mommy". she knows that I am and always will be there when she needs me. it may be hard but just be there, be consistant and be a father. there will be days when you think none of this is appreciated but it is even if they are acting like the spawn of satan. it isn't easy being a kid. you are growing up and having to deal with so much without the ability to really understand it all. just hang in there and be the one who, no matter what is a dad. take no crap from her, don't let her rule the house as she is not an adult and is not going to be for a while.

 

[CustomRide]

gotta be hormones. By brother was a real handful for a few years. He grew out of it. We had to watch him like a hawk though. Once we had to tie him to a tree so he wouldn't hurt himself or others. He fine now.

tropic thunder?

 

[CustomRide]

My father always said....lay with the crazy you gonna get crazy.

Hope everything gets better for your circleville.

 

[WhiskeyDreamer]

Then pile her in the car with all of her stuff and take her to her mom's. Tell her you can't let her threaten the people you love (your wife) anymore than you would let anyone threaten her. Then be tough. When mommy has no use for her again and she wants to see daddy you tell her that you love her, but it's best she stay where she is.

I think that's the best advice I've seen in this entire thread!

 

[SignManiac]

Well we still haven't discussed sending her to a convent yet?

 

[Circleville Signs]

Well we still haven't discussed sending her to a convent yet?

That would be HILARIOUS. Seriously. As much as she is acting out with some of the emotional instability of her mother, the cold hard truth is that she is a chip off the old block (me) when it comes to her personality. She views anyone telling her what she should BELIEVE with disdain - especially when the lack of logic behind it becomes dogmatic.

Liz in a convent. Good chuckle for the morning.

Update for today - made sure to start the day with a text telling her I loved her and not another word besides that.

I have been ignored as of now...

 

[GP]

This breaks my heart.

I wasn't the easiest child. Not horrible. But not easy.

I thank my folks every day.

Give her love. Give her support. But don't give her everything. Make her earn it.

Good luck and merry christmas.

GP