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I'd have still received a bitch slap....

My parents would have beaten the shit out of me if I'd 'ruin' the table

crank up the heat and slow down the head, if that solves the problem then it's clearly too much ink / too low heat

Short answer - no.

30º lasts longer than 45 or 60 but not good for small details. Other than that any OEM is good, all the chinese are rubbish. Just avoid good quality reflective vinyl - it contains glass

Test prints are printed with the biggest dot possible, which is the easiest for the printer to do. Real prints on the other hands are made with variable sized dots which may be ugly - especially at gradients.

then lower head and do bidirectional head alignment, step adjustment and make sure heater is on and working

print unidirectional for a temporary solution

What about head 3 and 4 ?

You don't have 4 problems, you have one. It's called truvis. Convince your employer to get an Epson and forget about test prints and maintenance. Seriously.

On my mimaki cjv150 I had to set random values on head alignment for every color. I played around for a whole day (8h) but managed to get perfect print in the end. It was absolutely no logic in the settings. This was the case with the cutter as well, but once everything was up and running I...

You don't need to pinch anything, just do as you'd do with the countdown and switch off the machine by the main switch while it's counting down

You're mistaken. It's free for personal use only.

You can make a photoshop mockup pretty easily with these tents where you can change the design with two clicks. If you're interested I can make it for you.

detect mark button needs to be active in finecut when you hit plot

Or you can go with TrueVis VG2 they don't smell whatsoever (cause a Roland tech guy will try to fix it constantly)

Roland smells as well, you probably got used to its smell. Your office should be large enough not to smell anything in areas other than the close surrounding of the printer.

Changed to Mimaki CJV150 which was a great machine, not too fancy, not too fast but reliable and affordable. Now I print on an Epson 60800 and its just crazy fast and quality is comparable to offset. You can laminate right away, I just leave 5-10 minutes to be be on the safe side.

Trust me you can find a ton of post me telling about my issues with the VG540, in the meantime I learned one thing - if you need a good printer go with epson.

By now it should be VG377 if they'd have renamed it after every major bug.